What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The adults are the big ones right?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
