EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
