we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
