We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
