I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
