Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
