Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
