When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
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I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
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just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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