the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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