I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
worst night to have a conscience
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
