tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
