I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
