I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
