Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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