the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I want her autograph on my taint
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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