Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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