I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
