I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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