Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
