We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
