Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
