just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
