In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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