One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
as a side note pls kill me
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
