Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
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I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
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Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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