Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
