How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
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The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
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when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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