Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
