I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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