Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
