At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
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