her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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