What a fucking waste of an outfit
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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