We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
