love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
