Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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