I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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