I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
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HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize