Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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