allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
This house was built for laser tag.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
