the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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