I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
