Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
