Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
