when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
