You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
