she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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