My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
