I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
