My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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