Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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