remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
