It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
