I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
