He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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