that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize