Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I skipped work to stalk him.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
