I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
