The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
