I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
