i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My life is pants optional.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
