I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
