I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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