Already got asked if we're dating
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My penis needs a shock collar
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
